We go through life adjusting to situations that we encounter. In some situations we end up using repeating patterns of behaviors and thought processes, which may or may not suit the situation at hand. When our reactions to situations are incongruent to the situations, it is dysfunctional. Dysfunctional reaction leads to problems in relations, stress and different crises.
Oftentimes when we are aware of our patterns and try to make changes in our attitudes or behavior — i.e. we go for behavioral therapy, coaching, read self-help books or listen to friends’ or families’ advice — the effort get thwarted. This is because for every action comes an opposing reaction.
Take for example trying to be nice to a neighbor who is irritating to you. You try not to lash out at him/her for weeks until… snap.
Short Case study:
Tackling symptoms alone, without investigating the root causes of the symptoms sometimes makes the life for the individual worse. A client I knew, who was overworking to point of sleeplessness, decided to stop work for a while and went for a meditation workshop. At the workshop he suffered anxiety attacks and needed to leave the workshop. He was later (more) successfully treated after he discovered his motivation for excessive work– to escape his abusive father. This was only possible because the therapist allowed this patient to delve into his need for work, and sat with him through his re-experiencing of being a child of a bullying father figure.
The paradoxical theory of change is thus explained like this: “don’t just do something, sit there.” As gestalt therapists we are trained to be containers of the client’s unpleasant emotions, helping the clients by being with them long enough in these often painful moments, so that they may gain insight, wisdom and resources to find their solutions.
Beisser, A. (1970). The paradoxical theory of change. Gestalt therapy now, 77-80.